No love lost

Another drunken excuse for another missed call. It makes me feel that much less important when he can't do what he says he will. Every night this week I left any engagement to be home early enough to catch him upon awaking at noon. I even went as far as waking up early enough to be there when he said he would. At least we could chat on the phone, but it wasn't the same, nor was it enough.

Some kind of nag I must be, which according to many means I must really love him. And I suppose for many, this kind of nagging is appreciated as a sign of love. I do understand that, but I don't agree with it for two reasons. The first is, I don't handle this stress well. The second is, I don't have to accept this stress. I don't find any justification for love under stress.

Meanwhile, he doesn't nag me about anything. I doubt his lack of nagging is because he doesn't love me. He says he does - all the time. Conversely, my nagging must mean I love him. Tricky.

So instead of changing my Facebook relationship status from 'engaged' to something else, I won't.  It clearly doesn't have any value to any number of people anyway, least of all his Best Friend, who is cutely 'engaged' to their mutual girlfriend. Just empty words. At the same time, I don't want to alarm others, such as family, prematurely.

Does that mean there is hope? Symbolically, I no longer wear the ring he gave me. There's no love lost.

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