The pressure

There was, as it would happen, hardly any pressure to be found, other than to get there at a decent hour. I almost called in sick in order to get there earlier. Luckily I didn't because I got there just in time for the drag show. It was fun and light-hearted. Only 50 or so people showed up. Unsurprising, I knew half of the crowd. Best of all was hearing DJ Quest seamlessly spin a fine variety of remixes to the tunes we endlessly play at the gym. Why he had to keep giving me drink tickets, I'll never know. I paid for it the following morning when I had to be up at 4am, then work at the gym for 8 hours.

Shanghai, again?

Standing on the pier

Why I should fret over his going to Shanghai is beyond me. Perhaps it was because I suggested it and he said so many things to make me believe he wouldn't go without me because he didn't want to anywhere new without me. Sweet, but now sour, even bitter. Of course it's really unlikely Shanghai will be any easier for him to get that visa. But it's a good excuse, as excuses go. Having refused one ticket there, I won't refuse a second one. No way - not this time. So I must get there before the 10th of next month. Have a place to stay - several, actually. I will need time to meet those who've been kind, considerate and in touch with me - infinitely more frequently than he ever was. I think it's going to be the end of our relationship when I do make it to Beijing. Therefore, I'll likely stay only long enough to experience the cold & head south to a warmer climate. Thailand and Malaysia are looking like nice places to pass through when I have to exit in order to comply with my visa limitations. I wonder what Sanya is like.

Approach to Vancouver narrows

Trans-Canada signage in North Vancouver

When: Right now!

I always enjoy happening across the BF's profile when on the web.
It's like finding an old photo of him - especially when there are photos of him!
He's rather furtive about it all when asked, so I've almost given up asking.

He's somewhat defensive, too. I was even accused of spying on him.
It can't really be spying when I type in the search box for his type,
and there he appears!

His photos are quite innocent compared to mine.
But the 'Flavour: What I'm Into' section is revealing enough.
Sure, there may be pangs of jealousy - but not as much as before.

I do wonder if I stop being jealous altogether will I stop caring for him.
It's impossible to say just how this open relationship will work.
His "I love you" is nice to hear, but falls flat when I see he's incapable of monogamy.

What's weird is coming across someone who knows him.
It's a surprisingly small online world at times.
Need to have a back-up plan.

Voicemail - better than nothing at all?

His resistance to GTalk's voicemail was off-putting at first.
Not wanting to pester him directly, it seemed like the best alternative.
Now it's his preferred way of communicating with me.

Listening to his syrupy messages,
peppered with MSN Messenger chat & online notifications,
I melt as his sweet voice tells all.

You'd think he'd be happy when I called his cellphone or landline.
Too often he isn't and to show that leaves pregnant pauses.
I can never stay silent as long as he does, but I feel obliged to try